Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

A dear soul shared this with me. Her beautiful, healing and poignant words have pierced my soul. Thank you ever so much, sister in Christ...

Fearfully and wonderfully made

You were fearfully and wonderfully

made

Tiny form never gracing this earth

My broken womb never giving you birth

You were fearfully and wonderfully

made.

I will always wonder how you were knit together—

boy or girl?

I will always wonder if blonde and blue—

or black way curl?

Though I never heard your heart beat

and though your life began incomplete

You were fearfully and wonderfully

made.

God is Sovereign and Good.

Even though I may not, He understood

That time and place would not be yours

And you would only see heaven’s door

You were fearfully and wonderfully

made.

We loved the thought of you

while you were in my womb

I am sorry, little one, that my womb became your tomb.

You were fearfully and wonderfully

made.

May you rest in perfect peace.

May you enjoy from this world, release

and may you recognize those who gave you life

Someday in Paradise

for you were fearfully and wonderfully

made.

CJZ8-98

May your baby's memory be eternal.Love, Cindy Zimmerman

Blessed are they...

The past months have been long and slow while dream filled plans are laid out. So much of our conversations are monopolized with friends and family as we prepared for baby #5...

Without warning I awoke one morning and all was about to change, darkened by an indescribable inner-silence of pain. Tuesday September 1, the sad-reality hit that I was miscarrying our baby. The next day, we had a sonogram affirming what we had already feared. Salt was rubbed into an old wound, taking me back to our first miscarriage 6 years ago.

This time was to be different...we "planned" this baby. Please do not misunderstand me, we received news of our previous births with great happiness-- just this time, ALL of us were included. The children's anticipated preparations, along with our own, made this pregnancy all the more, well, meaningful. Before, they were too small to ever realize that life grew tender and small in a mother's womb...to truly understand that Life was a gift from God.

"Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted"

With undefined grief we mourned while comfort like a welcoming warm shower poured in flooding us with His love. We knew this to be a blessing... humbly allowing others to nurse, cook, clean, watch children, sit and cry and laugh with, we were yielding to God's goodness, He who is the Comforter of our souls.

Time seems to have slowed down as this life swirls by, picking me up in a comforting embrace. Many weeks later, the sting from the loss of our baby slowly heals. In grief, one becomes keenly aware of their own weaknesses (thankfully) and strengths (Lord have mercy) recognizing that all Good and Perfect things come from Jesus Christ.

At least for a time, please understand my decision for a sabbatical from my blog. As I stated in the beginning, this was a meek attempt to place all things in God's hands, to seek what is needful while trusting, while allowing others to enter into my life...to place "everything down the chute"

Everyday I am thankful to God for all of you! If it weren't for the blogging world, I would not have been blessed by your faithful sisterhood. I have grown to truly love you all so much.

"I am filled with comfort; with all our tribulation and in spite of it, I am filled with comfort, I am overflowing with joy." 2 Corinthians 7:4

A Review: The Life of Saint Brigid

"In ancient days a little girl was born..."

One MUST meet St. Brigid: Abbess of Kildare. After reading this book, my family is encouraged and strengthened by her life. St. Brigid loved purely as Christ commanded us to, shared all that she had (and what others had as well). A true sense of "Robin Hood" offering all unto the Lord:

"O God, bless my pantry! Pantry which the Lord hasblessed. Mary's
son, my friend, come and bless my pantry"

Along with my children, we remain entranced with Jane G Meyer's simple beautiful language and caught up in the inspiring illustrations by Zachary Lynch.

Musical to the ears, just the way an ancient Celtic tale should be heard. A feast to the eyes with all it's Celtic splendor!

"Momma, read it again...if we have a baby girl, we really should name her Brigid!" Hmm...

Saint Brigid, pray unto God for us!

P.S. with gratitude to Jane for writing about St. Brigid, sending us a copy, trusting me with a review...May God grant you many years AND many more books!

Changes

To actually blurt it out would seem so informal, possibly tactless on my behalf but here goes: We are expecting #5 in late March...er, Holy week! Most of you may already know from my face book page and with a thankful-heart we receive all your warm prayerful well-wishes.

We are excited AND nervous! -- the children are ecstatic and ask everyday (the younger ones especially) where the baby is?, how big?, when will he/she be here?, what shall we name the baby?, where will the baby sleep?, etc, etc, etc...

I heard once: "If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans" The plan was to prepare for hubby's ordination and well, we are comforted and aware that God's timing is everything and we are grateful - relieved more like it - to remain at our current status in the church.

This new life, God-willing, is very welcoming, indeed!

Together on the Beach

All together again

our view and short walk each day...

united with her dear friend...

yeah...he's alright!

beauty deep inside

some R&R...

love this little face!

Love this nature-girl!

yeah, he's pretty cool...

frolicing with his big sissy and "other mommy"

that's all you'll get from me...

a little friend stopped by

Hopeful indeed!

"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:24-28

http://bonovox.squarespace.com/journal/2009/6/17/ordination-cancelled.html#comments

Down hearted...

Not sure how else to write this. Not sure what to think, feel or say. For, I may say too much, think too much and feel too much. Weighted heaviness.

FDR's ordination is not a go. Not "accepted" for lack of paper work that was needed by our Bishop? There is much more here, yet we choose to Love; covering a multitude of transgressions--may God give us the strength!

We have been assured that this decision has nothing to do with him. Truthfully, we are caught in a whirlwind of political affairs--a giant wait-and-hold-on sticky net hoping and praying for our leaders to straighten out the current torrential mess in the Archdiocese. I need not say much; we all know the current state of the archdiocese.

I ask for your prayers. Pray hard for the church, the Hierarchy, and the clergy.

This too shall pass -- I hold onto this and can only trust in God's will.

By God's grace...

14 years ago I married this man, where TODAY I love him with more intensity than that glorious June 3rd day.

"Together...

We have loved, laughed, cried, sacrificed and endured.

I would not change a thing."

May God continue to give us strength to endure while sacrificing -- remembering to laugh, cry and love all the days of our lives.

As you can tell...I'm mad about this man!

I'm still here

INSANELY BUSY! Yep, that's been my life since May 3...when we (sans FDR) left --homeward bound. There is a long list of menial reasons for the "no-other-way" separation, that if I begin to tell you, you may think me mad. I shall spare you the boring details assuring you that we are well, thank God. Normalcy, as we Barberg's know it, is -- well, let's just say we're on the right road--I think.

This past year has brought on it's share of adjustments--for all of us. This time last year, we were on a 2 week vacation in Destin--soaking up the glorious beach and bam! the house finally sold while away. We returned to start the frenzied packing, sorting, tossing, with worry--praying and finally handing our earthly cares to God. It's hard to believe a full year has whirled past us at warped speed. I only pray God continues to give us His grace as we continue and learn while completely trusting in His ways--His path for our salvation.

All in all, it's been good to be home up north. To be with treasured friends and solid family members who share in our fight to follow God's will for our lives. We can not thank them enough for opening their homes, in sharing their food--it's no easy feat in feeding this gang, sacrificing their spare towels and space and even some extra funds. We are truly loved. It is amazing when others can come out of their "comfort-zones" for your sake. "Every good and perfect thing comes from above" May I remain grateful in and for ALL things.

We'll return to SVS June 1 and from there--well, I'll have to tell you then...

As we travel life's road, my love and prayers dear friends.

Water Fun on a Hot day!

"I've been tagged"

8 Things I am looking forward to:
1. my husband's elevation to the Holy Priesthood in June
2. our summer vacations: Carolina Beach with the kids and the other is a 2nd honeymoon to St. Croix for 10 days (sans kids, of course)
3. St. George Camp in August
4. the next school year (going in as 2nd years is comforting)
5. eating more and more sushi (really, I am!)
6. exercising to better health and for strength
7. a return trip to Alaska (hopefully next summer)
8. heading home for the month of May to be with friends and family

8 Things I did yesterday:
1. took Emily and sweet Abigail to the airport...all by myself (a proud driving moment through this NYC mess).
2. treated the kids and mom out for breakfast (a treat for me too)
3. bought Colin new glasses and rec specs (finally)
4. visited with FDR's cousin, Micah. Haven't seen him in 10 years...he's all grown up!
5. went out for sushi dinner with hubby and our monk friend, Fr. Christopher (a treat for him and another for me)
6. watched the rest of "Little Dorrit" by Charles Dickens on masterpiecetheatre.com
7. I did not clean, straighten or tidy a thing in my house...that is something!
8. I wore flip-flops all day

8 Things I wish I could do:
1. exercise more patience with the children
2. pray more
3. trust God more and worry less
4. exercise more
5. less talking to listen better
6. spend all day sipping tea while reading book after book...one for the kids, one for me, one with hubby, one in a book club among friends (but I may want to sip some vino during that).
7. take a class in photographing/photo shop
8. love by letting go...

8 Shows I Watch (I don't watch so much any more, but we watch a few on-line)
1. LOST!
2. The Office
3. Masterpiece Theatre!
4. Nova
5. American Experience
6. PBS cartoons (with the kids)
7. Rachael Ray (rarely)
8. Yankees game

A good link...

http://orthodoxseminarian.blogspot.com/

This is a great insight into the life of the Priesthood from our friend, Michael Sakran. Not only am I baised because my husband and he are classmates but we, FDR and I, are to be the God-parents to their soon-to-be-born-twin boys: Gabriel and Michael!
May God grant them all many years!

May God give us Strength

"For the priestly office is indeed discharged on earth,but it ranks amongst heavenly ordinances; and very naturally so:for neither man, nor angel, nor archangel, nor any other created power, but the Paraclete Himself, instituted this vocation, and persuaded men while still abiding in the flesh to represent the ministry of angels. Wherefore the consecrated priest ought to be as pure as if he were standing in the heavens themselves in the midst of those powers."

"On the Priesthood." St John Chrysostom,
N&PNF, First Series, Volume IX. p. 46.

By the grace of God and the laying on of hands by His Grace Bishop ALEXANDER, Fr. Deacon Raphael, my beloved husband, will be elevated to the Holy Priesthood June 28th, at our hometown parish, St. George Antiochian Orthodox Church in Niagara Falls, New York during the 2009 Parish Life Conference.

While trusting in God's timing, we did not have plans nor any expectations once here at St. Vladimir's. However, it came upon us peacefully, in a quiet still voice, knocking at our door.

We have enjoyed 8 years of my husband's diaconal ministry in the Church. FDR often refers to the order of the Diaconate as "the best of both worlds". Undoubtedly, his elevation brings us, our family, to a whole different level and much is to change...a struggle and a blessing, indeed!

Please keep us, as we keep you, in your prayers.

"I know my own soul, how feeble and puny it is: I know the magnitude of this ministry, and the great difficulty of the work; for more stormy billows vex the soul of the priest than the gales which disturb the sea." (p.49).

Christ is Risen! Truly He is Risen!

The angel exclaimed to her, full of grace: "Rejoice, O Pure Virgin; again I say, rejoice! Your Son is risen from the grave on the third day and has raised the dead. Let all nations rejoice!"

Shine in splendor, O new Jerusalem! For the glory of the Lord is risen upon you, O Sion; sing with joy and rejoice! And you, pure Mother of God, rejoice in the resurrection of your Son.

How pleasingly divine and sweet was Your voice, O Christ, when You promised, without fail, to remain with us until the end of time. We, the faithful, rejoice in this firm foundation of hope.

O Christ, Great and Sacred Pasch, Wisdom, Power, and Word of God, grant that we be with You in Your kingdom on the never-ending day.

HIRMOS
Shine in splendor, O new Jerusalem! For the glory of the Lord is risen upon you, O Sion; sing with joy and rejoice! And you, pure Mother of God, rejoice in the resurrection of your Son.

EXAPOSTILARION
You, O King and Lord, have fallen asleep in the flesh as a mortal man, but on the third day You arose again. You have raised Adam from his corruption and made Death powerless. You are the Pasch of Incorruption. You are the Salvation of the world.

Image of God

God-willing, from the image above, we pray that Luke will strive to be an aspiring iconographer of fine frescoes in many colorful hues and gold depicting God's perfect image. (sadly, after snapping Luke's art work, I had to use the magic eraser on the wall)

With prayers seeking patient guidance and understanding, we find ourselves blessed with Luke's many talents...talents that also make us scratch our heads in bewilderment or wanting to frantically pull out our hair!

Most importantly, may our son strive to love with a Godly love, while living body and soul for Jesus Christ, the son of God -- the giver and lover of all mankind!

Hmm, on second thought, maybe a grand chanter...

"Lazarus, come forth." And he who was without breath obeyed the One Who gave him breath, the Savior of our souls."

SVS Children sing the Troparion:

By raising Lazarus from the dead before Your Passion,You confirmed the universal resurrection, O Christ God!Like the children with palms of victory,We cry out to You, O Vanquisher of Death;Hosanna in the highest! Blessed is He that comes in the name of the Lord!

observing

Often, I struggle in searching for precise words describing the many impressionable emotions swirling inside my mind, heart and soul. Here, are my wanna-be-amateur- photo-taking-skills; hopefully capturing the essence of holy observations. There is a wealth of incredible beauty that surrounds us...especially that of The Church. There is a natural-growing, transfigured, yet not suppressed, beauty while observing my children's child-like readiness as all their senses awaken when they "come and see that the Lord is good".

Praying that all had a blessed Feast in celebrating The Annunciation of the Most -Holy Theotokos. Hopefully, this respite from the Great Fast was nourishment to weary souls in continuing the good and Holy Fight...Blessed Lent!