The past months have been long and slow while dream filled plans are laid out. So much of our conversations are monopolized with friends and family as we prepared for baby #5...
Without warning I awoke one morning and all was about to change, darkened by an indescribable inner-silence of pain. Tuesday September 1, the sad-reality hit that I was miscarrying our baby. The next day, we had a sonogram affirming what we had already feared. Salt was rubbed into an old wound, taking me back to our first miscarriage 6 years ago.
This time was to be different...we "planned" this baby. Please do not misunderstand me, we received news of our previous births with great happiness-- just this time, ALL of us were included. The children's anticipated preparations, along with our own, made this pregnancy all the more, well, meaningful. Before, they were too small to ever realize that life grew tender and small in a mother's womb...to truly understand that Life was a gift from God.
"Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted"
With undefined grief we mourned while comfort like a welcoming warm shower poured in flooding us with His love. We knew this to be a blessing... humbly allowing others to nurse, cook, clean, watch children, sit and cry and laugh with, we were yielding to God's goodness, He who is the Comforter of our souls.
Time seems to have slowed down as this life swirls by, picking me up in a comforting embrace. Many weeks later, the sting from the loss of our baby slowly heals. In grief, one becomes keenly aware of their own weaknesses (thankfully) and strengths (Lord have mercy) recognizing that all Good and Perfect things come from Jesus Christ.
At least for a time, please understand my decision for a sabbatical from my blog. As I stated in the beginning, this was a meek attempt to place all things in God's hands, to seek what is needful while trusting, while allowing others to enter into my life...to place "everything down the chute"
Everyday I am thankful to God for all of you! If it weren't for the blogging world, I would not have been blessed by your faithful sisterhood. I have grown to truly love you all so much.
"I am filled with comfort; with all our tribulation and in spite of it, I am filled with comfort, I am overflowing with joy." 2 Corinthians 7:4
7 comments:
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. May God continue to give you comfort during this time. I've enjoyed reading your blog. It is important that you take time to focus on your family and yourself. My prayers for you and your loved ones.
Oh my goodness--I had no idea. I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. Your family will be in our prayers. I will miss your blog but am happy to hear that you're taking the necessary steps to healing yourself by taking time out.
If you ever need anything please let me know.
I am so so sorry for your loss. I read your blog sometime and feel for you and your family during this trying time. We will pray for you are your family. May your baby's memory be Eternal.
Greetings. I am Christine Robichau's sister-in-law, married to her oldest brother, David. Ten years ago, I had my first & only miscarriage which I grieved for many years. I wrote this poem at that time which I hope can be an encouragement to you. When we had our youngest, Abigail, I changed the words in several places and sang it at her dedication. I hope you can find strength from it & that God will completely heal the sorrow.
--------------------
Fearfully and wonderfully
made
You were fearfully and wonderfully
made
Tiny form never gracing this earth
My broken womb never giving you birth
You were fearfully and wonderfully
made.
I will always wonder how you were knit together—
boy or girl?
I will always wonder if blonde and blue—
or black way curl?
Though I never heard your heart beat
and though your life began incomplete
You were fearfully and wonderfully
made.
God is Sovereign and Good.
Even though I may not, He understood
That time and place would not be yours
And you would only see heaven’s door
You were fearfully and wonderfully
made.
We loved the thought of you
while you were in my womb
I am sorry, little one, that my womb became your tomb.
You were fearfully and wonderfully
made.
May you rest in perfect peace.
May you enjoy from this world, release
and may you recognize those who gave you life
Someday in Paradise
for you were fearfully and wonderfully
made.
CJZ
8-98
May your baby's memory be eternal.
Love, Cindy Zimmerman
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family will continue to be in our prayers. We will miss you.
Dear kelleylynn,
I am so sorry. So painful for you, your husband and your children - just in reading your blog over the last year, I've gotten a sense of your beautiful family - so loving and close. I will pray that you will all strengthen and support one another now.
thank you also, for sharing these feelings. I have no doubt that your honesty will comfort others who are grieving.
Thinking of you and your family,
paige
I am so sorry to hear. Memory Eternal. I love how in the Akathist "Glory to God for all things", that it speaks of the promise of being reunited one day.
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