wanted to share...

"How beautiful you are, Earth, and how sublime! How perfect is your obedience to the light, and how noble is your submission to the sun!"

"How generous you are, Earth, and how strong is your yearning for your children lost between that which they have attained and that which they could not obtain. We clamor and you smile, we flit but you stay!"

"Are you a seed dropped in the field of the firmament to become God's tree reaching above the heavens with its celestial branches?

Or are you a drop of blood in the veins of the giants of giants, or a bead of sweat upon his brow?"

Are you a fruit ripened by the sun? Do you grow from the tree of Absolute Knowledge, whose roots extend through Eternity, and whose branches soar through the Infinite?"

taken from Earth by Kahlil Gibran

Be still

I follow a wonderful blog where this gifted mom of four, Molly (Close to Home -- check it out on my "wall of fame") blesses all her readers with a God-given talent of writing, and most recently photography, in the humblest manner with uncanny accuracy to empathize while exposing herself in beautiful transparent honesty.

Her latest entry, Aflame, struck me...hard. Particularly this section:

"I saw my own distracted soul, so easily put out by the mundane-ness of my chores, by children being children, and by the intensity of life I was created to live but so often water down because it's hard, good gracious is it hard, to deny yourself."

I've been preoccupied lately with "being" as I labor to deny myself to the will of God. Each time I *think* I am taking the right steps toward this state, I am hammered down to the ground. You know, like the wacky woodchuck game at the amusement park. "WHACK!"

I am distracted so easily for the exact same reasons Molly articulated.

Too often, I like to hear myself speak, bark orders, receive compliments on a delicious meal made for the family, for the way I keep house all tip-top. Mary Poppins would be so proud of me! Again, the same issue arises...I am not seeking what is needful. I am, too often, someplace else figuring out a way to dodge any future chaos, that ultimately springs up, so that I am prepared to chase it away with my orderly-ness. Ironically, this makes me distracted and unmanageable to be around. The pendulum swings...

I have a fancy for the Thesaurus. Finding different words to define my thoughts in many faceted ways captivates me...I am weird, peculiar, odd, I guess -- I suppose.

Upon looking up "Being" I am aware that I am made for "Actuality, Existence, Existing, Living, LIFE" where the opposite is "Nonexistence, expiration, Death"

"I must decrease so that He may increase"

Lovingly, we are encouraged to "Be still and know that I AM God..."

Celebrating Luke!

He is the cutest most mischievous little monkey you could have ever dreamed up...our Luke! He is 4 today and happy, happy, happy!

Traditionally, we had all the birthday parties at the big-old home, so many wonderful memory-filled birthday parties between our four. However, this year, with bitter- sweetness, being far away from family and friends, we went to a quiet, yet, fun-filled restaurant "just for Luke".

And this year he has a first-time friend, a dear little boy that we brought along as our guest. This was a relaxing dinner, no rush, no planning...where Luke was the happiest!

So, in his happiness I find mine as well...

Many, Many years to you dear Luke Joseph!

Remembering 9/11

On top of the Rockefeller Center Observatory 9/11/08

Visiting the top of Rockefeller Center was breathtaking!

As we meandered around the top deck (70 floors up) observatory, we froze in awe at the site you see. I observed a women, all alone, in tears and I, too, began to cry.

We were drawn into the city this evening... remembering the tragedy and that FDR was here 7 years ago. He helped during the aftermath with the IOCC (International Orthodox Christian Charities) in bereavement counseling. FDR remembers more than I can imagine of the enormous catastrophic size of 9/11. He remembers each person he spoke to and the emotions racked with pain and then, peace. A peace that came from a city pulling together -- united to get through this...and they are...year by year.

Memory Eternal!

while reading...

Last night, while reading "Royal Monastic - Princess Ileana of Romania", I came across this and wanted to share; feeling that it is befitting for me (for all of us):

"She should finish and leave - there's so much to be done, but something holds her in place, and she shifts her gaze to the icon of the Lord Himself - His eyes as compassionate and sorrowful as always.

As she stands, she feels a pressure around her - not physical, exactly, but what it is she can't say. It holds her gently in place, saying the things she cannot say for herself.

As she gazes at the icon of the Lord, she realizes that this is the Church - the prayers of the faithful, of the monastics who stand for hours and days before their icons. They are saying for her the words she cannot think, expressing the feelings she cannot feel, keeping her standing, keeping her heart open, empty and waiting. She nods, not content, exactly, and not feeling anything more than she has since the night her family left Romania, but not ready yet to leave the corner and God's and the Church's embrace. If she cannot pray, then she will let the Church pray for her, until the words come back."

I do not compare my previous trivial struggles to Mother Alexandra's where she had to cater to the Nazi communist takeover in her beloved home, to only be exiled with her family (6 children in tow) into an unfamiliar land. Even more so, that she faced many cruelties by her brother, who turned on her out of jealousy and pride. While he ruled as King, he thought it best for her to leave Romania because of "political reasons" and then she was not allowed to enter back into Romania to be with her most beloved mother upon her deathbed or even a year later for her memorial.

The list of Mother's struggles are endless where in this beautifully written book by Bev. Cooke pulls you right into the Princess's life, as if you are right beside her the whole time. During her life, she remained a beacon of strength and courage in the darkest of days. Her love for all mankind was enormous risking her own life along with her family's, yet she continued, she endured through her pain both physically and spiritually, by holding onto the prayers of the Church and her love for (her)Romania.

The Holy Orthodox Monastery of the Transfiguration, which she founded, has become one of our favorite places to take refuge from the business of life. This peace is found within the beautiful grounds, the quaint guest house (where she actually rested her own head), the breathtaking chapel adorned with glorious icons, and especially with Mother Christophora and the whole sisterhood, they are our dearest of friends. It is a blessing, indeed!

Princess Ileana is among us...Holy Mother Alexandra pray unto God for us!

All is well

Each day we awake to someone else ill, having a bad day, including the days that are used up for grounded punishments. This is our life, at the moment, and I find myself irritated with fading joy to continue at this pace. The pace is not fast, it's actually more like taking 2 steps forward and 6 back. The reason you don't see photos of the apartment yet is because it DID look good, for about a week until after Luke vomited all over the ottoman and carpet...well, I am still cleaning this up.

In spite of small set backs, we are blessed. Blessed with new friends on campus willing to be with the other children as I nurse myself and now Luke. Blessed that these new friends are always available to lend an ear during our family's transitioning. Blessed with one particular seminarian who, when he found out Luke was sick, came over with an icon of St. Luke. Blessed that Luke, and I quote: "I have a bestest buddy and his name is Isaak, or Cracker or batman". Blessed that in between studying for Greek my husband took the baton of care taking so that I could enjoy the first Ladies gathering on campus. We went on a scavenger hunt and found new places along with realizing that I am actually comfortable in driving around this much congested area. Blessed with our faithful friends back "home". Blessed to celebrate the Feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos, even though we napped, and ate leftovers...it was relaxing.

It seems that this new life has simultaneously birthed and rebirthed new with old emotions, feelings, sense of loss, uncertainty mixed in with letting go of the old to put on the new. It is not easy to shed these layers, actually it is quite painful some days. However, the result, I believe, is freeing while I forgive, fall down, get back up again, to only forgive, fall down and get back up again...my personal Podvig or Ascesis. Growing my Hind Feet toward the High Place.

Honestly, there shouldn't be any complaints coming from me. Life is good...when you continue to place God in the forefront. But you see, I haven't, even here in seminary life where one can attend church everyday. My daily prayers have vanished and I sit, or rather fidget, wondering "Why in the world are my days so frustrating?"

Life without struggle is no life at all...for in these struggles we discover ourselves -- we discover that our Heavenly Father has not abandoned us but that we have abandoned Him for our own agendas, our own will and not His.

May I continue to remain joyful, peaceful, grateful while placing my life, entirely in the Lord Jesus Christ -- the Lover of all mankind, the Son of God and the Holy Spirit.

Requesting your prayers and as I pick myself back up, you will be in mine.

All is well...God is so Good!