Into your Hands, O Lord...

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Especially listen to +JONAH's message to the council...INCREDIBLE!!

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endurance

Recently, I started working out, again, from a very long sabbatical. Many contributing factors to my long-vacation from the land of heart pumping sweat-ness which I owe to my children, husband, myself and the fact that my body is a ridiculous blob of laziness.

Why tell you this? I am weak, unmotivated, and discouraged easily in need of motivation, encouragement, and dare I say, praise.

Much like my role as wife, mom, teaching the children, being a good friend, etc...I am weak in all the stated areas and need all sorts of affirmation. Needy, geesh!

My expectations of were we SHOULD be in the schooling department is, well...a slow go. My begrudging motivation to attend an extra Vespers during the week is all wrong since all I can think about is "what others may think" if I do not attend. Now that we are here, I feel stretched, even more so, to preserve the friendships back home while developing new ones. Forgive me, my dear friends.

I lose site of true meaning around me. While, admittedly, slipping away into the land of wasteful thinking on tomorrow and not living in today. Dreamily, wishing for quick results, with the workouts, friendships, the children's progress, marital bliss, and my daily spiritual life.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-5

May we all endure, for Jesus Christ, our Lord and King, to race not sprint until we fully enter the age to come while laying aside all earthly cares.

"Let us who mystically represent the Cherubim and who sing the thrice-holy hymn to the life-creating Trinity, now lay aside all earthly cares, that we may receive the King of All,who comes invisibly unborne by the angelic host! Allelluia, allelluia, alleluia"

for my dear friend...

Thanks Lenore for a great weekend away!

I'm singing Chris Trapper, thinking of Gorilla boy, realizing that the world can actually survive without "Pop-art"; and you'll find this hard to believe: insanely craving Maki rolls! My prayers and thoughts are with you, the girls, the boy, and Chris (I think I may start to call him "Phil"...think about it).

Love you and miss you tons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Expectations...

Counting the days, 1 day more, till I hop on a plane to visit "home". My plan is to be with my dearest friend "L" and her sweet family, grab lunch with girlfriends and enjoy a long-over-due dinner-movie night with my mom and hopefully sister.

However, I leave in sadness, as I had hoped to visit, my friend, Stefani, who had taken ill in July...she passed Sunday evening from earth to eternity. Unfortunately, I will miss the viewing and funeral since it is Wednesday. I miss her -- graced with her beautiful smile. May the memory of Stefani be eternal...

Expectations in life can be disappointing rolled together with blessings birthed each day. So, here I am, wanting to let these expectations go -- daring to continue to dream, hope and plan...trusting God completely without wanting anything in return, well, except for deep meaningful friendships, love for my neighbor, patience with my children and their's with me, and unconditional love for my husband...I dare not continue.

"Hon, I need to go home, by myself" I meekly wait for his response. "Sure, find a time and I'll make it work" Even in the midst of his studies, he is willing to let his expectations go for my well-being. So that I may re-connect with friends and mom. No questions asked just..."Sure..." I am grateful for his love...

Here I am, once again, finding myself surrounded by loving moms who, on top of their own busy lives and children, are willing to "chip-in" so that I am able to go away...no questions asked...I am grateful for their new-found friendships and take comfort in it's strength.

My expectations are to face each day as the Lord God made it...new every morning. Grateful that God can and will fill my heart to the fullest, according to His plan -- His expectations for me, the handmaiden of God, Kelleylynn...may I be worthy to deserve such treasures!

There's something about Mary...Kate

Today is Mary Kate's 6th Birthday and over the weekend we had visitors: Grammie and Uncle Todd, her God-father. Needless to say, MK was spoiled - spoiled with much attention that the 3rd so desperately needs. We ventured into the city to the American Girl Doll Store, went to the Top of the Rockefeller Center and ate lunch out. IT was all grand kissed by a perfectly- sunny- warm- autumn- day!

She is our naturalist loving creepy crawly bugs (her favorite: the lady bug) to the flying bird. MK sings with all her heart and soul...this being one of her favorite songs that you are listening to. She reminds us, each day in her prayers, that the needy are among us and remains incredibly joyful! I wonder where she came from since the joyful part and the singing do not come from me. She reminds us of my sister-in-law, her Aunt Karla, who finds Joy with her voice in each new day.

In the city, tables were set up around to collect donations for the needy. MK noticed this right away and had to give some money. "Mom, is that money going to feed the poor people?", she asked. "Yes, that is why they are out here, sweetie," quickly is my answer as we hesitantly yet in haste cross the busy NY street. "Then that was a really good thing we did, mom, since we are spending money on us", she gleefully remarks.

She is my sunshine on a rainy day, my laughter when I cannot locate mine, my reminder to love all with no expectations.

Today we celebrate her life -- Mary Katherine is a treasure, indeed!

Thoughts

A friend here, seminarian wife and mother of two, also CPA had this to say on the recent events on our financial crisis:

"Thoughts on the proposed gov't bailout and the "financial crisis"

"Can we Americans learn to bear the consequences of
our poor decisions? Everyone should have to take an introductory finance class
in school, I think, where they would learn that debt is not inherently evil, but
too much leveraging results in an inability to meet present cash commitments,
let alone future commitments (the commitments to repay all that debt some day)!
Why can't we - and by "we" I mean businesses as well as individuals - be more
temperate and honest in our consumption? Is it right that we (meaning
individuals) should live beyond our means, and businesses should grow beyond
their means, and then expect the government to make our debts disappear when the
debtload threatens to bury us? The government is in debt too - up to its
eyeballs! America - its people, businesses, and government - has been hurtling
toward financial crisis for some time. It has been only a question of when that
crisis would hit.It seems to me that we should not, and possibly cannot, be
"bailed out." (Even if it were a morally acceptable idea, it probably would not
work - the government tried to bail out businesses and individuals during the
Great Depression, and its efforts largely failed.) What we need is a new moral
paradigm, one that is sustainable. We all should become "conservatives,"
conserving all that is wholesome and good and truly fulfilling. Getting rich and
consuming everything in sight is not fulfilling - it is numbing at best, masking
our deeper discontents. And we should not only conserve for the sake of the
economy or for the environment or for our children's quality of life, but
conserve because we understand that modesty, charity, and moderation are truly
sustainable moral attributes, while self-gratification and pride are not. The
crisis is not in the markets - it is in our hearts.I am not sure why I felt I
needed to post these comments. I cannot even say for sure that I am right.
Tonight I just feel frustrated with our tendency to focus so closely on
temporary crises (this too shall pass) while all the while we are neglecting the
crisis of losing our humanity. But maybe I should stop writing and focus on my
own crises. Lord have mercy. "

All things...

"So while the creations of man, when God is not working with him, are subject to time and orientated towards corruption, God's creations are orientated towards life and eternity" (taken from Man and the Environment: A Study of St. Symeon the New Theologian by Anestis G. Keselopoulos)

In reading this, an epiphany sparks, realizing why we are created; it is for complete union with all creation...small birds, fish, to the largest beast, and assuredly all mankind.

We, since Adam and Eve, have annihilated ourselves with our sin, our created-ness from The Creator. However, we are still God's creation held together by the life giving power of the Holy Spirit.

May we all make a metanoia and face Paradise. Lord have mercy, as we turn around, with boldness towards He who is uncreated.